Monday, July 29, 2013

Straight Up Gate Poppin' ...

My dogs have started Gate Poppin'.

They lean on or head-butt their way past a safety gate or other barrier to get to things they want, but aren't supposed to have.

Things like access to a human's bed (because their muddy paws didn't get clean enough on the floor as they walked through the entire house).

They wait until I'm asleep. Or out of the house. Then they start poppin'.

I've decided, to minimize my rage at this recent behavior, at some point, I'm going to write a rap parody video, "Gate Poppin'", featuring my dogs.

(NSFW Warning. It will use the word "bitches". A lot.)

Here's a possible sample:
Walkin' my domain, my home where I'm the king
trying ta get to bed, but here's the thing
Gotta item blocking my reg'lar path
gotta knock it down -- It's gonna feel my wrath 
Put my head low, then hear some scritchin'
somewhere down south, I start to itchin'
Look up see a bitch on the other side
she don't look calm -- she looks ready to ride 
Heat drivin' me wild, like I'm a junkyard cur
Maybe it's the summer weather, or maybe it's just her
Put my head down with nothin' stoppin'
Me as I lunge forward and start ta poppin'....
Tha's right, it's time to get poppin' -- Straight up Gate Poppin' 
Poppin'. Puh-Puh-Puh-Pop-Poppin'
Poppin'. Pop-Pop-Pop-Poppin'
Poppin'. Pop-Pop-Pop-Poppin'
Pop-Pop-Pop. Pope-puh-pop-pop-pop-POP!
(Straight up Gate Poppin')
(Admittedly, it probably needs more than thirty seconds of workshopping to get the flow.)