I am a samurai ...

I think I may be masochistic.

I have been working so hard for so long to not be comfortable, that I really feel out of my head at times. Which makes me feel alternatively snappy and euphoric. Sometimes bitchy, sometimes loopy.

The latest in this "make-myself-better-by-making-myself-uncomfortable" is Samurai -- a ... thing ... geared toward making me a more creative person.

Started by Dan Fauci in New York, Samurai is a weekly, early morning, actor get together, that's not an acting workshop. It's geared toward (minimally) alumns of the The Mastery, and most of us are Leadership and Creativity grads as well. Explicitly, it's purpose is to

"Find, clarify, and operate out of my purpose in life."

Lofty yes. Ostensibly this means a weekly meeting and constant touchpoints with all participants to drive our creativity, support our goals, and hold each other accountable to get more things done as artists than we've done previously.

Lofty? Yes. Scary? Yes. Uncomfortable? Yes. Exciting? Hell yes.

We meet from 7 to 9 a.m. in downtown Austin. so getting up at 5:30 a.m. to fight IH-35 traffic from Round Rock is definitely out of my sleep and patience comfort zone. (There are so many people on the road at that hour -- and they all have a story, they all have a purpose. How cool is that?)

This Samurai session is led by Van Brooks, my film coach and Dan Fauci protege, and he's called this the kind of "mini sissy version of Samurai" -- because the NY version is twice a week, and getting there in New York is likely more cumbersome than even Round Rock to 6th street (not to minimize my sacrifice at all).

Each week, I'm going to have make creativity commitments to the group. And I will commit to specific people that I will ask their help to hold me accountable -- not passively wait for their holding me accountable.

I'm going to learn to operate not out of my head (how I currently operate), and not operate out of how I feel (how most people operate), but operate out of what I see. Which implies I need to learn how to see better.

Speaking of which, between Dan Fauci, Van Brooks, and Steve Prince, I am seeing so freaking much lately that it's kind of overwhelming. More on that some other time.

I am supposed to break patterns, because "patterns are justification for the now" -- a way I keep myself in a loop not necessarily all that conducive to growing, creating, and being authentic.
So my "homework" for this week from the session:

1. Pull together all my notes from the last several months for my "Project X", put those into episodes (ooh, another clue!) so that every one is outlined (if not written), and I know where the gaps are.
2. Raise my standards for the next 5 weeks. I need to come up with what I will do to explicitly accomplish a list of things that are more and bigger accomplishments than I have ever done creatively in a 5 week period.
3. Write down a list of patterns I have that stop me from getting stuff done.

Awesome stuff. Maybe I'll share that homework. Maybe I'll leave you in the dark.

Though, I think I'm waaay more tired than I would expect a Samurai to be. And I'm jittery from sucking down waaay too much coffee.

Between this and Meisner happening at the same time (and the same day), I'm either going to become a much better creative person, or a much bitchier creative person. Maybe both. I'm that diverse.