Sculpt Whore

(NOTE: This post may contain adult content. Mainly, the word "whore", used repeatedly.)

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem.

So, here goes ...

(*Ahem ...*)

"Hi, my name's Adam, and ... I'm a Sculpt Whore."

(*Whew.*)

Let me explain.

I like toys. Just like film, animation, comic books, or other pop culture representations, I enjoy and am inspired by toys. I have a separate blog ("NotDolls", because I'm just that clever) where I take toys (even rare, exclusive, or custom items), take them out of their package, and make fun of pop culture tropes or current events. (I actually get nastygrams for the "take them out of their package" bit.)

But what kinds of toys do I collect, and which ones do I eschew?

There are things I just plain like. Iconic figures (Captain America). Weird figures (Deathlok; Beta Ray Bill). Unique, limited run figures (like the Marvel Manga Twist Ems).

And there toys made by particular sculptors that I like. I like stuff from Dave Cortes. I like stuff from the Four Horsemen Studios.

And there are figures on which I'm not real keen. Sorry, not a big DC fan overall. And while I love the Justice League animated look, I can't stand that the toys ... can't stand. And I dislike any toy based on a bad marketing decision leveraged against one of my heroes (if they every make Scarlet Spider or Rob Liefeld Captain America toys, I may buy them just to melt them).

Recently, I've seen this tested, and (forgive me) I've fallen.

It first almost happened with the Hasbro Spider-Man Origins "Iron Spider-Man" costume. A ridiculous modernizing gimmick that fell flat (two weeks ago a watched a 12-year-old rip the concept to Joe Quesada's face; I really respect Quesada, but that was funny to watch), but I so wanted that figure. It is a fantastic, slick sculpt and paint job. I don't know who did the prototype sculpt, and I hate the concept of the Iron Spider-Man. (What did that bullpen session look like? "Hey, we're going have Iron Man give Parker new armor -- kind of jazz him up for the kids today. What should we call it? Never mind, I got it -- Iron Spider-Man!" Yeesh.)

But every time I saw that figure, I almost bought it, being saved merely by outlasting it's run in the retail stores (and being too cheap to pay the premium for aftermarket).

And then at Comic-Con this year, I fell. Hard.

I mean, I went there, thinking about getting the Four Horseman figure the "Gauntlet of Vaskkh" (which my buddy ended up getting me), but before that, I got sucked into the WizKids Halo ActionClix madness, and bought a mongo Scarab. It's not like I was planning on getting into the new game (though with this awesome centerpiece, you better believe I will), but when I saw the sculpt, did a 360 walk around, and saw how well the thing was made? You had me at "Wort wort wort".

And then my buddy got me the "Gauntlet of Vaskkh" figure (a rhino warrior thingy), and I'd already been debating between that and the Ramathhor figure (a elephant warrior thingy), and since he got me the former, I ... bought the latter.

It's the "Seventh Kingdom", for crying out loud! It's a made-up line Four Horseman put together to sell sculpts. There's no history or mythos -- but I bought two of them. And the hippo and warthog warrior thingies are looking so bad-a$$ ...

That's when I realized I'm a Sculpt Whore. Give me a well-sculpted toy (that's decently articulated, so I'm probably safe from most of Todd McFarlane's offerings), and I'm likely to buy it. Even if I don't collect that line or am a fan of the license.

I feel so weak.


But I feel better, having shared this with you.

And I'm thinking nobody's every used "Sculpt Whore" prior to this. So, "Sculpt Whore" (and "sculpt whore", "sculptWhore", "Sculptwhore", and all meaningful derivatives) (c) and provisionally tm Adam Creighton.

(Oh, and Toddy, I really like you. Just don't have much use for your toys. Change my mind on the Halo 3 stuff.)