Today (Saturday) was rough.
First, I'm freaking exhausted, because I was working on toy job stuff until 3 a.m., then got up at 6 a.m. to fulfill my commitment to Dan that I would wake up early. I went running. There was a lot of Doors music on the radio, which was good.
Second, I'm still doing the "get-out-of-my-confort-zone" thing of not taking control or voicing opinions (which is really against my nature). While yesterday this made me want to climb out of my skin, today it was like an internal sandpaper irritation. Probably because I was freaking exhausted.
Finally, the "mini-Mastery" portion of the day was intense for me. My "In-the-chair" time was very interesting to me. I was struck with my responsibility side of this, and my desire to get awesome actress Tiffany to stop acting and get more "real" was really heartfelt, but maybe mis-implemented. Dan, thankfully, stepped in. And Tiffany was a great sport.
Waaaay later in the evening, it was my turn on the floor.
I did a piece from William Shatner ("What Have You Done"), which I'd personalized for me. My first read was rough; it didn't feel rough, but the response told me it was off. But this is why I picked it: The wording is tough, and the subject matter is tough.
I was playing prep for the second round too safe, and Dan opened my eyes. I had not wanted to mime much of the piece (so as not to devalue it), but he showed me my responsibility to create the space and get specific things visualized for the audience. And though I knew I had to take accountability for the events in the piece, Dan crystalized it for me. So simple.
Why is it lately my biggest moments wind up with me hyperventilating or needing to through up (but not throwing up).
Oh, and "In-the-chair" (and Meisner) cohort Lyn Burnor was so supportive. She said she started to panic when she saw me emotionally derail and need help, but I couldn't tell. Her voice was calm, clear, and got me centered again. She's another Biz Chica I'm blessed to know.
Now, more toy job stuff, then up early to do the same before class.
And, yes, 28 people is still too many to have in this workshop ....